I'm lost and stupid without you.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
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will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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