I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
