No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
