I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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