I swear she didn't look like that last week.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
