I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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