I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
