Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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