we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
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