and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
