i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize