If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's shark week go big or go home
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
