HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
