So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
