Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
