She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
