she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
