I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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