I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
