You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
