just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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