1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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