Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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