Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
