My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
