come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize