What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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