Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
