I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
