i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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