but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
