the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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