She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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