I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
