I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
