I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
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she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
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is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize