Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just pynch a tree in the face
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
