I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
