Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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