Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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