dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
