Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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