She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
