I can text with my tongue
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
