she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
