I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
