You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i will never coherently bang her
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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