you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
