Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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