I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
