@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
