I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Sponge bath it is.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
