Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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