i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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