I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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