I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
