Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
